Glamour magick

Letra

I’ve plucked a hundred white hairs from my flaking brow
as I ponder my pulchritude, then versus now.
It takes years off me!
I use age-defence creams to embellish my guise,
and depuffing serums on sad, swollen eyes.
It takes years off me!
On the Norwood Scale, I’ve hit number five,
so my caffeine shampoo keeps what hair’s left alive.
It takes years off me!
And I’ve dyed my beard back to its natural brown;
I’ve sprayed keratin fibres all over my crown.
It takes years off me!
I tried whitening powders and pastes for a while,
now I’m just back from Turkey – check my big new smile!
It takes years off me!
I’ve had facials with cat litter, gold-plate and semen;
cryotherapy’s cold, but it keeps my skin gleamin’ –
takes years off me!
I’ve covered my coupon in nightingale shit;
I’ve had more dermal fills than I care to admit.
They take years off me!
I’ve had follicle grafts and blepharoplasties,
and a scrrrotal lift – lift my kilt and you’ll see
it takes years off me!
I eat bone broth with flaxseed and root liquorice;
I pee in the sink, wash my face with my piss.
It takes years off me!
It takes years.
Cultus vanitas …
I pumped my face full of a stranger’s fat;
I did abdominal lipo, now my tummy’s so flat!
It takes years off me!
I bought big fat lips from a backstreet surgeon,
then I bathed in the blood of a thousand virgins.
It takes years off me!
I sucked all the plasma from my firstborn,
I injected it all – now I’ve got permahorn.
It takes years off me!
I found the Bimini fountain, to bathe in and sup;
I took a gulp of ambrosia from Hebe’s old cup.
It took years off me!
It took years.
You take years off me!
You take years.
Cultus vanitas, glamour magick!
Years and years and years …

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